Today is Valentines Day. And what better day to look into what men are attracted to, when it comes to what we wear.
I’m not saying you should dress for men! Really. You should dress for you. And for you to feel great about yourself. But you know, some days (and perhaps tonight?) you want to dress to impress your man. If just for the evening (and then everything can revert back to normal tomorrow:-)
So what do they like? Is it the slutty look? The innocent girl-ish look? Or do they just want to see us naked?
I decided to investigate the issue and started by asking online couples therapist and sexologist Maj (pronounced “Myi”) Wismann, whom I know to be an excellent expert on all things love and sex… And we also asked some men about what they really think (those are the quotes distributed through the article)….
My first question is something I have been wondering about since I got the first ever Christmas present from a boyfriend (so what…for more than 20 years..):
Q: What is the deal with the red underwear? Why do so many men go crazy about that?
A: There has been made many studies that shows that med are much more visual in what turns them on than women are. Red is the colour of desire and so it signals the subconsciousness of the man – it basicly tells him that we are thinking abut sex. So wearing red underwear is a playfull and seductive way of showing him that we know what is going to happen later tonight. It is important for me to stress that wearing sexy underwear really only is hot and sexy if you feel confident and good about wearing it. If you feel insecure or uncomfortable wearing sexy underwear, then THAT is the subconscious signal you send out. And that is not very hot. SO if you don’t like wearing sexy underwear, don’t!
Q: Moving away from the underwear (which is kind of hard to see if we are out to dinner, anyway)… Is there another piece of clothing most men feel is attractive?
A: Looks has always been important to the survival of the human species. We even talk about the concept of sexual selection. Our sexuality is placed in the part of the brain also known as our “stone age brain”. And that actually means that we have no influence on what or who that turns us on.
Most people know this from a relationship when the partner might have gained a lot of weight or has had a stressful time at work and is irritable and has a bad attitude. None of these things signalizes excess of energy or strength for “I’ll kill that saber-toothed tiger for you and the kids if it comes any closer” and so that’ll turn women off.
But for men, they are turned on by the female curves from bust, waist, hips and butt that signalize “Yep! I have childbearing potential and GREAT genes PLUS I can easily take care of another child on this stone age plain” – and that, in general, really turns men on!
So my point is this: Anything that emphasizes the female curves AND that makes you feel good. AND maybe even helps you feel even more feminine and hot regardless of your weight, height, width, bust size, etc – anything that makes you feel feminine and emphazises that is Hot for you – and your man!
Q: So.. How tight should the clothes fit?
A: Well, I think we have all tried to walk out the door in the morning wearing something that is really too tight and doesn’t fit well. And we know how that makes us feel about the day. Not very good!
If you want to emphasize your female curves you can do it in so many elegant ways that don’t make the fabric cling to the skin. And this is where the fit of your clothes enters the arena. The same dress can look completely different on two women who are the same size because the curves and the width is distributed differently on everybody. The most important thing is to emphasize the part of your body you like the most. The more you turn the attention to the part you feel is the most attractive part of your body, the better you feel and everything else is unimportant (and nobody will notice the other parts)
Q: So is it better to leave something to the imagination and not show everything at once?
A: At a date with a potential partner or with the love of your life, it is much more fun for them to unwrap the gift of you, than to have everything served at once. Indications, hints and accenting the beautiful feminine areas on the body and feeling good about it is much more attractive than flashing it all, so to speak.
Q: One of the things a lot of women my age talk about is, that we don’t want to look like confused teen-agers (who often wear very tight, very short dresses and very low necklines. all at once) when we go out. We want to be attractive, but not in such a loud way….
A: Confused teen-agers are just that: confused. And they are testing the limits for all areas, including what they wear and look like. But as I mentioned earlier, a woman who knows how to carry her femininity and knows what to wear to emphasize the unique curve of her body and give her sexual confidence is much more sexy for a potential partner or a fast flirt than a confused teen-agers who flashes everything.
My point being: The man you are flirting with should be a man who is turned on by women your age – not those 20 years younger.
Q: A lot of men, in Denmark anyway, claim that they like women to look natural. What do they really mean by that?
A: The men I talked to tells me that the natural look is about all everything that comes from within – you know beauty comes from within. That the clothes fit you well and emphazise who you are. And that the make-up is emphasizing your beautiful face. Just as with the clothing we talked about earlier. My stylist always says: “focus on the beautiful traces, then everything else diminishes”.
Thank you so much, Maj!
See. Wasn’t that fun? Now you should go and visit Maj’s website – she has a lot of great articles about love and sex and romance and also a free e book on relationships for you! Have a look at www.MajWismann.com.